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It was around this time that dress sizes became standardized and the discovery of the calorie suddenly forced weight monitoring to enter public consciousness, according to gastronomist Sarah Lohman. So why am I constantly made to feel like my weight is the problem in my love life? Feeling shame about fatness is something I know all about—but as Tovar explained, the way I processed my shame is different from how the men I slept with processed their shame. While we're at it, everything you thought you knew about fat is wrong. To help end our easiness, men could be better at expressing their desire for us—not just privately, but outwardly as well. Unfortunately, we don't live in that kind of world.

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